the-breathe-blog

I'm back...hopefully to stay!

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 17:23:56 +0100

I tend to flit like a butterfly betwixt innumerable blogs. But I'm about to buckle down and weight the options and decide where it is I ought to be posting. ONE LOCATION. Not 100. ...except Pinterest & tumblr...those don't count, right?

Washing the dishes means "I love you" in Romanian.

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 09:25:38 +0100

Oh hi! Welccome to Lupeni, Romania and my semester abroad! What an incredible time this looks like it will be! I am thrilled to be studying here and am excited for all the adventures I will find. I miss many people very badly and have not found a comfort zone here, quite yet. But I am committed to the people and this place for this time. And who knows what will come from it! I believe that I am here for a reason, that this is where I need to be right now. So I am trying to commit myself fully to the time I have and live completely in the place I am in.

Does that mean you will all hear less from me? Possibly. But the reason for that is more internet service than anything else. =/ The internet in apartment Lucy, where Julie, Kelly and I have been living for the past couple of days, is non-functional. It worked for the first hour, or so and since then has been entirely sickly. We will have internet at the Impact building, where our classes take place, but that won’t be until next week, at least.

This afternoon, we leave for Viata, New Horizons Foundation’s camp on Mt. Straja. We will be living at the cam and observing its methods for about a week…scary, but fun, I’m sure!

After Viata, we will have a couple of hours to repack before meeting with our host families and preparing for homestays, which begin on Friday evening. More on that later, when I have any idea what it will be like!

Well, I’m back! And I have some major updating to do.

Viata: Wow. Crazy busy, a great experience and I am exhausted. Heres what Viata is all about, for those who don’t know: K, so you probably know enough about communism to understand that part of what it accomplished, in striving for total part-loyalty, was to create “utterly isolated human beings” (Dana Bates, Adventures in Philanthropy). And that makes for an extreme lack of trust, opening the door for all kinds of deception and corruption. And even though communism fell in Romania 20+ years ago, another of its side-effects is apathy, making it very difficult for society to rebuild itself, particularily where social capital (or moral value) is concerned.

Anyhow…. Viata aims at teaching the youth of the nation (the POD song by that name happens to be their theme, P.S.) to trust, to strive for integrity and to live in such a way that they will build up themselves and others by their actions, improving society as a whole. Its brilliant, in other words, and is effectively targeting the upcoming generation to become worthy leaders with strong moral fiber.

And it seems that experiential education is a great way to speed this process along, since letting a kid experience a feeling is a much more powerful than explaining it to him a hundred times… Want to teach a 13-year old about trust? You can tell him all about it, but letting him fall off a tall stump into the arms of his peers or asking him to leap from one 20’ high platform to another, 4 feet away, with only a harness and all the necessary safety precautions to rely on, will teach him the same thing much more quickly, and experiencing the emotional connection that this sort of trust requires makes the lesson much more palpable.

Each of the 5 Americani were assigned to one of the 6 groups (group 6 managed just fine without us) and spent the week working (sort of!) with the leaders and participants of that group. I believe the leaders considered us a part of their team, although Ilie told us that our involvement would primarily be as observers of the phenomenon that is Viata.

I was a part of grupa trei (group 3), which included both boys and girls, all 14 years old, with the exception of Paul (pah-ool), the noua ani (9 year old) son of Mihiela, a chaperone who accompanied the kids from Cluj. It was a very diverse group, ranging from the tiny, probably anorexic Maria, who barely touched her food all week (although most of the leaders said they couldn’t blame her and would have taken the same approach if they could’ve, after 9 weeks of the same slightly iffy meals) to Ciprian, or Cipri (Chee-pree), who is decidedly overweight and was on a diet which left him apples for dessert, to the other kids’ chocolate.

The leaders in my group, Andra, Anca and Alex are all incredible people and I am so happy that I had the opportunity to spend time with them -- Although the language barrier was a bigger hurdle for some of the kids and leaders in my group than those in the groups some of my comrades, I feel like I had it pretty good. I was included, offered the chance to participate along with the kids in games, team-building exercises, ropes-course elementsand the like, even though I often didn’t accept because of time constraints. I was extremely warmly welcomed into the leaders’ little group, also, and spent the few short breaks we had at the FNO (New Horizon‘s Foundation) Cabana, drinking coffee, chatting and learning Romanian words from everyone who entered the kitchen! (Bellowing “Teach me a word!” at all who enter a room is one great way to learn new words, I found!) I learned well the phrase “spata vase le” (which means something like “wash the dishes” or “I’ll wash the dishes”…not quite sure which, but they got the idea), and used my dish-washing abilities to say “I love you” to the Cabana-full of worn out leaders whenever possible. I’ve gotta say, I am pretty impressed by the whole Viata experience! And I hope the friendships I began with the leaders will continue in some form or another.

Alex and Anca are from the Jiu valley, although Anca leaves for university in Bucharest in a couple of weeks. I am planning to meet up with Alex now and then during the semester, if possible, and hopefully will have a chance to visit Anca before she leaves. Andra lives in Iasi (Yash), near the border of the republic of Maldova, a 16-hour trip by train from here. But she said that travel by bus is decidedly quicker, if you can find a bus and don’t have car-sickness issues. Kelly has a friend in Iasi who we had already discussed visiting over a weekend, sometime, and Stefan (Shtay-fahn), another leader at viata and a good friend to many of us, is living in the city as well… so it looks like a trip to Iasi is definitely in order. =)

I felt like a novelty, for much of the week and for many of the kids. But one girl, Mara, became a particularly close friend to me. Mara is an only child of what I assume is a fairly well-to-do family, and her parents speak English with her at home, so she is nearly fluent and squirrel was the only word she struggled with during a week of conversations with me (she thought it was wrong every time she said it, because “it doesn’t sound like what a squirrel looks like!”). Despite her obvious monetary advantages over some of the children, she was one of the most grounded, well-rounded and sensible 14 year olds I have ever met, and took it upon herself to act as the encourager, hug-master, comforter and friend to the group. Its hard to explain Mara, but she is definitely a beautiful girl, with a big heart-full of love.

Embarrassing moment of the week: Every evening, the whole troop was gathered into the “disco”, the lower level of the dining room area, for some sort of group activity. Monday was skits (which Tad and Zach were involved in -- quite delightful!), Tuesday was music and large-group games with assorted leaders, and Wednesday was competitive games between the groups. One of those games involved each team lining up and taking turns running across the room with a small fasole (bean) clenched between their knees, which they would drop into either a bottle, for o suta (100) points, or a pahar (cup) for zece (10) points. Zach, Kelly and I, along with 3 of the Romania leaders, were chosen as the judges…and we decided to sneakily even up the scores so that everyone won! Brilliant, huh? Well, perhaps. But what made it slightly less brilliant than it might otherwise have been is the fact that we decided to drop extra beans in as the competition was going on..meaning every time one team got a bean, that team’s judge would tell the others to drop in a bean. Anyway, the beans started piling up like crazy, because of course each team got about 5 for every 1 it actually achieved. I’m sure the kids suspected something. =) So, the finally tally was 13 in the bottle, 11 in the pahar. And we all evened them out and prepared for the counting. Marina, Kelly, Lexa, Alex…all perfect. 13 in the bottle,11 in the cup. My turn…11 in the bottle, 11 in the glass. I had apparently miscounted, through the brown beer bottle and screwed up the whole deal! =( So, in the end it was a 5-way tie for first…and team 5 lost by doua suti (200) points. And I felt foolish.

All in all, the week seemed to be a great success -- Lots of tears fell in the final 24-hours, if that is any indication. And hugs were plentiful as the bus loaded up for departure down the mountain and off to Cluj.

And now I am with my host family. It is a strange life, this Romania adventure -- in less than two weeks I have made myself at home and then been uprooted 4 times. But now I am settling into my first long-term home, with a young married couple, Iancu and Mirela. A good 30+ minute walk from the impact building where classes will be held, I am across the street from Kelly and who knows where in relation to the others. From our new location partway up the mountain, we will have a lovely little jaunt to and from class each day, but I am excited for the exercise, the company (dear Kelly!) and the moments of silent contemplation I will be afforded.

And I hope to offer a good report about how my time here is treating me…once I get my bearings enough to have any sort of thoughts on the subject!

P.S. So far, my language skills are severely disappointing to me…I sincerely hope that I become a much speedier learner than I am at present, forgetting everything only moments after it has been taught! And on that subject.. I believe it is time to quickly study the words I did manage to write down and then hit the hay.

A beautiful first morning with my host family. I slept until around 7 am, when I woke up of my own accord in a beautiful, sunny, cheery room. The house and their land are both lovely, but I’m not entirely sure what to do with myself, here. I feel like I have too much free time, although I’m sure that will quickly change. In the meantime, though, it is hard to know how to interact, through the language barrier. I am dong my best to ask questions, be involved and available, etc. But Iancu speaks no English, as far as I can tell, and Mirela speaks some, but doesn’t always catch the meaning of my sentences. She knows a lot of vocabulary, but like me and Romanian, doesn’t understand those words in combination.

After awkwardly hanging around in the small kitchen for a couple chunks of time, during the morning, I wandered outside to the porch and sat down to read and pet the dogs (caine). I saw Iancu and his father picking plums (prune) and decided to help, so for the next hour I helped Iancu’s father and another old fellow (neither of whose names I have been able to catch, yet) as they shook plum trees and then we picked up the plums, which I gathered (through hand signals and prior mention from Dana Bates) that they use to make a plum brandy.

When we finished picking up plums, I helped carry the pails back to the father’s house, where through “come on” hand gestures, I was invited in for lunch -- ciorba and ardei (soup and stuffed peppers) and, of course, paine (bread; the staple of not only lunch, but every other meal in Romania.). The drink I was offered with the meal? Whiskey (the word for which I cannot pronounce). I managed to catch the phrase “inteleg?” (understand?) a couple times to which I responded with the appropriate “da” or “nu”, depending on my current state of confusion, and some brief conversation about filosof, which I take to mean my major in philosophy…perhaps.

After lunch, I made my way back towards Iancu & Mirela’s house. They were in the garden harvesting the bean plants, so I joined them, despite Mirela’s “no” to my “can I help with anything?” and proceeded to spend the next 2 hours working with Mirela shucking onions, after we carried the beans to their 3rd floor, a large unfinished room where they store vegetables until they can prepare them for the cellar. I was absolutely grubby by the time we finished with the onions, spread the bean plants to dry and cleaned up the mess. (I’m still finding dirt in my nose, ears and under my fingernails an hour and a change of clothes later.)

Although I am very glad to be here and am grateful for the opportunity to live on the mountain and see traditional farming, etc., I am worried about communication. Most of my conversation thus far has been with Mirella over how to say certain words in Romanian, or has been one-sided, from the father. I want so badly to feel like a friend to Iancu and Mirela, and not a burden or a recluse while I’m here, but I also feel like perhaps I am simply in their way, when I try to involve myself in their goings-on. =/ Hopefully that will begin to sort itself out with continued effort from me and with time. Especially the time, I think…

An interesting development, though, is the fact that my host family is going on vacation for two weeks, beginning on this coming Wednesday (aceasta miercuri). I will be in the Reteazat for nearly a week of that time, but it will still be interesting… hopefully a good time for them to relax and not have me in their hair, a chance for me to settle into a routine, schedule-wise and such. I will be living at their home, still, but eating with Kelly’s host family just up the road, for breakfast and dinner. Lunch, we are on our own, since we are usually in town for classes Luni-Vineri (Monday thru Friday).

The hike from my host home to the impact building will probably take about 30 minutes, and I assume the walk home again will be significantly longer, since we are literally trekking down and back up a mountain road. Granted, we are probably only 2 miles up said road, not the 9 km necessary to reach Straja, where the road ends, but still. It will be good exercise and a refreshing chance to think, pray, or talk to Kelly. =)

I have picked up enough vocabulary to make my conversations feel completely helpless and at the same time very much as though I shouldn’t feel helpless because I have something somewhere in my brain that ought to be useful! I can’t wait for language classes to pick up again, and I hope they move quickly through some of the more necessary vocabulary and sentence structure that I lack, right now.

And my overall opinion so far: I am glad to be here, scared witless about managing this homestay thing, and excited for the next piece of the semester to begin-- the actual classes! I feel alone and lost, often, but at the same time, the opportunities I have been presented with here are too good to pass up over awkwardness, lack of communication ability or anything else.

And I feel like my faith has been challenged and is growing, as more and more I find myself in places where God is the only one I can speak to who even understands my language, let alone the meaning and thoughts my words seek to convey. I think, perhaps I had grown too accustomed to having available, listening ears at every point in my journey. My family, friends at Creede and Northwestern, and of course Daniel, though often long distance, were available when I needed someone to share struggles with or wanted someone to rejoice with me, and were usually the first or only ones I turned to. So, perhaps an English-speaking family or readily available internet access would have been the wrong things for me, right now, and God is using my inability to communicate to remind me that He should be my first resort both in times of need and joy. Although the lesson is uncomfortable to learn, during the learning, and being distant from communication with others is not easy for me, I’m sure it is a lesson worth learning. And I will certainly appreciate conversation in a new way, henceforth.

Other random notes…

My dreads may need to go. Not because I don’t love them -- I do! But they are simply not the most practical option for me, right now, because they require such specialized care to look even remotely well-groomed, and finding the proper materials for that care is next door to impossible, here. I’ll keep you posted when a decision has been made.

I wish I had invested in a better dictionary…but I guess I can’t feel too badly about that, since I bought the only one I could find.

Washing the dishes, although not technically accepted by ASL-standards, means “I love you” in sign-language…or maybe more appropriately, in Action-language.

In a week

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:25:20 +0100

In one week, much of my life will change, at least for a while. Perhaps forever.
One week from today is when Daniel will pick me up from my summer home and job and life and friendships in Creede, Colorado and together we will drive to Orange City, Iowa, where I will spend Friday in Pre-departure Orientation, Saturday with Daniel, my parents and brothers, perhaps, and any friends who happen to be on campus. And on Sunday morning, around 6:30 am, I will climb into a van with 4 other students who I know very little about and drive to the Omaha airport to begin my journey to Romania.

Scary! But SO exciting!

During my time in Romania, bloggage will be spread out between this space and the Study Abroad blog: http://nwcromania.blogspot.com/

Belief.

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:00:10 +0100

Things I believe... (NOT in order of significance)

I believe...It is impossible to keep a white shirt clean for an entire day.

...miracles can and do happen.

...friendship is the greatest treasure on earth, but if you are me, friendship is extremely difficult. Relationships and human interaction can be challenging but are very very worthwhile, in spite of all the pain they can cause.

...books feed the imagination, fuel the mind and create dreams.

...perspective is available for free anywhere dark and stars can be found. A nice dose of stargazing will never fail to calm the old nerves, sooth the ruffled mind and remind that there is so much more than life's petty drama.

...love is strong enough to cover over a multitude of sins, heal the broken and make the world beautiful.

...heaven is when harmony is achieved. Perfect unity amongst many hearts and minds. Heaven can be tasted in the harmony achieved here and now...it is the calling of restorative justice, of sustainability and of social change.

... Jesus, called the Christ, lived a life which I want to emulate. He lived a life of social justice, reaching past the barriers of money, status and health; he lived a life of pacifism; he lived a life of love incarnate.

...thought is precious and the ability to reason priceless. the workings of the mind are incomparably intricate and the use of a working mind should be prized. The mind should be exercised, utilized and appreciated...that doesn't mean keeping it in a box, but using it to the best of your abilities whenever possible to ponder, dream, analyze and revel in the glory of such abilities!

...that everything tastes better out of a straw.

...that chocolate is a food group, and coffee is another.

...that perfect comfort consists of a cup of tea, a book, some sunshine and a feeling of acceptance.

...that self-acceptance provides more peace of mind then all the popularity in the world.

...that good music should create a background for much of life, but that silence is also to be treasured.

...that [nearly] every book should be read to the end...there is [almost] always something to be gleaned from the thoughts of another.

...that writing is a beautiful stress-reliever and art form.

...that Saturdays should be spent in the following manner: wake up super-early, make coffee, hot chocolate or earl gray tea, turn on a great movie and curl up in a blanket. Fall asleep, if necessary. Enjoy thoroughly.

...that the book of Proverbs contains incredible wisdom for the ages.

...that philosophy classes can be painful but are always broadening and won't be regretted, overall.

...that knitting is the best way to keep from wiggling during said philosophy classes.

...that existentialism on ice is almost as good as old school corduroy.

...that I wish I kept in contact with friends better than I do.

...that blue jeans and a white T-shirt will someday be the main pieces of my wardrobe.

...that somewhere out there, a pair of jeans that will actually fit my body do really exist.

...that Harry Potter makes a much better book than movie.

...that Jane Austen is a genius.

...that writing stream of consciousness thoughts is a blast.

...that puddles should never be left to their own devices but must indeed be jumped into. Regardless of their effect on shoes, clothing, etc. [certain exceptions may at times apply]

...that a cuddly kitten is the antidote to any bad mood.

...that a hedgehog has got to be the best pet in the world!

...that hair is wonderful, but dreadlocks might be a lot easier to take care of...

...that brewed coffee is never as good as espresso, but that french press is a decent alternative.

...that I want to go canoeing. Right now.

...that Creede, COlorado might very well be the most beautiful place on earth in the morning when the fog is just beginning to rise from the cliffs.

...that packing is hard.

...that I own too much stuff, but that it is very difficult to convince myself that anything I see and like in a store is unnecessary.

...that a warm delights with ice cream is, in fact, a balanced meal.

...that diet coke is NOT a food group.

...that a good night's sleep is always worth the time it takes.

...that slippers are dang hard to remember to wear, but SUCH a great invention!

...that this is getting too long and needs to end here.

For the moments I feel frustrated and bored

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:01:01 +0100

This show. The booth. My nemesis. Why is it so hard to stay still, pay attention and enjoy it, this time?
The times I want to just scream.

This friendship. That relationship. Why is it so painful to love well, try hard and be a friend, this time?
The moments when I want nothing more than to quit trying.

For a single full day of rest, relaxation and a return to sanity, I would give just about anything. But it will not happen. Because first I have another week of tech, a final few weeks in Creede, a mess of saddening (and in places, relieving) goodbyes, a frantic drive to Iowa, a stress-filled weekend of preparation and goodbyes, and a trip to Romania.

I am tired. I am worn out. I am worn down. I don't know how to deal with the mess that has been made of my expectations.

I fail to fall gracefully

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:00:56 +0100

Tumble down the winding road of life's dark twists and turns.
Trip and fall along the way, bleeding from the cuts and bruises earned.
A failure to fall is a failure to try
A clean set of fingernails is failure to fly.
And an unbroken heart means a too-protected mind.

The good is never easy, and easy is a lie.
But glimpses of grace show when you try (and fail) and fly.

Flume Floundering

Sat, 19 Jun 2010 05:48:26 +0100

Creede. Beautiful mountain town and home of an incredible theatre.
Far from Daniel. Far from my family. But, then, what's new? I haven't lived at home in years. I feel a true vagrant,

I find myself among the craggy peaks. I feel peace on the broken, gravelly roads. I become alive as I hang from the grid, lean my extension ladder at uncomfortable angles and love the people I am surrounded with.

Perhaps this is good practice in learning to love a people and a place for a time...that will be what Romania requires of me, i'm sure. And perhaps I should get in a bit more practice than I have.

From the flume bridge's peaceful chaos, I ponder the meaning of living my life and making it everything I wish for. I thought about how I cannot desire a typical american lifestyle. How much more I want out of life -- adventure, compassion, love and kindness.

And I pondered relationships. I need to work on those a bit. I can make acquaintances easily enough, it appears, but whether or not I invest in the people I am surrounded with is another story.

Commit to a people and a place for a time, Heather says. And that is what I want to do, right now. Perhaps longer to some people than to others, perhaps longer to some places than to others. But it is important above all else to commit and to love and to be invested in loving on the people around me.

Thus pondered the Marit from the flume bridge.

Philosophy 4.20.10.9.25

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:01:23 +0100

Faceplant
in the harsh yellow sand
of a blank legal pad
with a pen in my hand

and a scrape on my arm
bleeds a blue stream of words
which my pen quickly catches
and forms into chords

of my mind's crazy music
a haphazard dance
spinning into deep nonsense
with hardly a chance of my sanity seeping through.

Out of the mouths of apricots...or the backs of teabag tags

Thu, 15 Apr 2010 04:40:14 +0100

Wisdom in unlikely but totally cliche places.
"You're never too old to become younger" -Mae West
"What is good for the liver is bad for the spleen" -Chinese proverb
"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get
money from it." -Unknown
"The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value." -Charles Dudley Warner
"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave for five minutes longer." -R.W. Emerson
"The palest ink is better than the best memory" -Chinese Proverb
"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." -Dorthy Parker
"In Mathematics you don't understand things, you just get them." -Johann von Neumann

For 2 hours of procrastination

Wed, 07 Apr 2010 23:26:53 +0100

I have traded in a day's worth of Philosophy homework for three classes.

Pandora's "Thriving Ivory playlist" is playing through scratchy speakers as I sip my vanilla-caramel-hazelnut latte (made on my lovely christmas present espresso machine). A shower sounds heavenly. My whole-wheat bagel with strawberry cream cheese was lovely.

The phone has beeped at me once, reminding me of reality and my current task. 4 or 5 emails from all around campus; taken care of. Two hours with the guy I'm dating, tonight, followed by a Study Abroad meeting. Did I tell you I have a boyfriend? As of a year and a couple months. Did I tell you I have a semester abroad? Next fall. In Romania. Did I tell you that I'm excited? Did I tell you that I'm scared? Did I tell you that summer is beautiful and so stressful and that I'm not sure I can survive a philosophy major with any sense of intellectual capability remaining for me?

So much to say. But none of it really matters, sometimes. When the wind if blowing and there are three papers to be ignored for just a little longer because coffee with Anna and a walk with Daniel are more important than identity or Bruised knees or feeling lost and alone in Bucharest.

A good nap. A good book. A good sunny window. A good couch. A good cup of Earl Grey. A prayer and a proverb and a call "just to say hello". Beautiful!